dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So much Jack, so little girl.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
