so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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