I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just want to make out with him forever
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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