The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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