Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize