Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
