Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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