Ketchup is God's man juice
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
