Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
