Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
