I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
