It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
