if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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