i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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