It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
