I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
