Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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