So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
