took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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