Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize