Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
