I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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