I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
