No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
