This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
