What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
