I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
