Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
