HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
