I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
