i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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