It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
