I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
