Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
