i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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