So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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