Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
