he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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