sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
