You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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