There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
