you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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