And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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