mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize