Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
