Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
