so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
