Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
