so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
