if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
The best revenge is premature balding
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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