Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
