There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
