my soul wont recognize me after tonight
high people should be assigned attendants
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
