I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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