just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
