shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
