That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I faked an abortion last night.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
