allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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