My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
