Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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