oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
