I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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