i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
