i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
