And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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