I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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