so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
