don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
