literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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