I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
