her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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