So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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