My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
