Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
