What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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