I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im six kinds of drunk right now
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
