he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It was confusing and full of hummus
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
