I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
