Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Drake has all the answers
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
