I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
